I haven't shared this with too many people, but with this timing in my life, I can't keep it in any longer.
Throughout my life, I struggled with what's called Ovarian Cysts. With the help of different medicines, I never really had much trouble with them until about a year and a half ago. In the Summer/Fall of 2010 I began to have lots of troubles. I was told my cysts were "spreading" and there began to be growths throughout my stomach region. While that was scary, I didn't want to think much about it. I was not only scared but I was angry. I was told that because of the scar tissue left by rupturing cysts that it could eventually lead me to being infertile. I was told that I might have to have surgery. Why am I going through this God? Why have I been so active and healthy my whole life and then this is thrown my way?
In October 2010 I was attending in a conference in Toledo and I was beginning to have a pain in my stomach. I didn't think much of it until a day or so after. We were in a church service and my pain began to be so severe. I called over one of my friends and told her I had to leave, I have to go to the hospital. I crouched down outside on the sidewalk in so much pain. I was rushed to the hospital where not only sit we sit for a little while, but I was given a pain killer shot which did not help. I laid on that bed just so angry with God asking Him why he was putting me through this. After a series of tests, I was told that I had a cyst the size of a grapefruit. A grapefruit. HUGE. They told me that there was not much they could do other then pain medication and that I would need to see my doctor as soon as I went home. Great. This is just one more thing that I need right? Could I possibly go through anymore?
I went home more discouraged then ever. In my own hopes, I thought that this would all just go away, not get worse. I went home the next week anticipating a doctors appointment only to hear more bad news. What now Lord? Do I have to go through surgery? Am I ever going to be able to have kids? What more do you want from me?
The night that I went home before my doctors appointment, our church had a prayer service. An awesome woman of God who disciples me called me that night and told me that they were praying for me and they lifted up this doctors appointment know that God had a plan for it. As encouraging as that was to hear, I still had my doubts. Lord, I know you have a plan for me and all, but can't it be something else? Can't you right a whole new chapter in my life that doesn't involved pain and doubt and loneliness and suffering?
I went to the doctors appointment the next morning, way less confident then I have ever been. I didn't know what to feel. After a series of tests, my doctor just looked at me. He had this confused, yet happy look in his eyes. Oh no, it's worse then I thought...come on, go ahead and tell me the bad news. He said, "Martha, I don't know how to tell you this or explain this to you." Okay, what is it now? He began to explain to me how there wasn't a sign of a single thing. No cyst, no scar tissue, no growths. Nothing. NOTHING. No really, you read that right...nothing! WHAT?!?!
Lord. You are faithful. You are so incredibly might. Why did I ever doubt you? Our God is so much greater then we could ever imagine. I hate that it took me to get to the lowest point in order to see how faithful and how loving my Father really is. He had a plan for me all long. If I would have just given it to Him, I would have began to see the plan that he laid out before me. But, maybe that was His plan all along? Either way, I am so incredibly thankful for who He is. Despite my results, He is STILL and ALWAYS will be my loving Father.
Two verses that has always been close to my heart are:
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Love Love Love your testimony of how God healed you and brought you thru this trial in your life. Although more trials and challenges may come your way throughout life, ALWAYS remember what God has already done for you and that He hears your prayers and the prayers of others for you. He is faithful!! Love YOU
ReplyDelete"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we knoe that He hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of Him." I John 5:14-15